Wednesday, February 2, 2011

I’m not actually sure of who I am. I have always known who I should be. Everyone always tells you who you should be, so I guess it’s not that difficult. Checklist for the perfect woman: Smart, fun, pretty, playful, friendly, ready to take orders, and give birth on command without complaint—basically, be all around awesome without stepping on anyone’s toes. Juggling all the pressures in the world, while still having a smile on her face. I can be those things, when the mood strikes me. Usually not all at the same time.

To me, I’m intelligent, but I’m absent-minded. I am the fun girl at the party, but I’m also always the designated driver. I’m beautiful inside and out, but I have the shortest fuse known to man. I’m playful and spontaneous, but am cruel when I feel like I’ve been done wrong. I’m friendly, but usually not at first. I can take orders, but only I’m ready to take them. I haven’t given birth, but I’ll pick you up from Penn Station at 3:30am and drive you to Brooklyn, then go back home, even though I have work at 9am that same morning. I love to laugh—little laughs, hard belly laughs, giggles- I do it all. I’m afraid I’ll have severe laugh lines, but that’s better than having frown lines :D.

I am a career-changer at 25, even though I’m not exactly sure this is for me. I just know what I’m doing…is not what I want to be doing. I have a degree from Fordham University, which in the real world, means crap unless it also has business or law printed somewhere on it. I come from a mixed family--that is no longer a family, so I’m nervous about how I will create my own. I am an Air Force brat, and have traveled all over, and I still can’t get enough. I’m trying to find my way in the world, while trying to break free from it. I have a million friends, a million issues, but not a million dollars. I’ll eat, drink and try anything once. I figure, if it didn’t kill the other people, it probably won’t kill me. I will soon be a wife, and sometimes that scares me. I’m allowed to be afraid. The real world isn’t ready for me. I deleted my mom from facebook. She isn’t ready for me either.

1 comment:

  1. I could empathize with so much of this. I swear we are related on some level. LOL!